There has been something weighing on my mind for the last six months or so. First of all, my life is so blessed. So full of love and experience and amazingness. In the last 7 years I have met so many people who have thoroughly filled my cup. Many of these are all my friends and family in interpreting. They have been the most supportive, straight-forward, honest, helpful and loving. When I interpret, I put my whole everything into it. And I am hard on myself, which has been good and also not so good. It creates a barrier for me that becomes hard to overcome. My friends and family in interpreting have pushed me to strive for the best. They have picked me up when I am down or too hard on my work. And they have given me strength. In everything, from confidence in an assignment to strength in a decision.
Five years ago (15 days shy), I passed the written exam for NIC certification. That is part one of two (for those who don't know). Elated! That was a huge success in my goal toward certification. I wanted to take my career to the next level. I mean, after all, I just finish my interpreting education program and I had an amazing study partner who continues to inspire me to this day. However, many of my fears crept up. I'm doing it wrong. It's not ASL. I'm too slow. It doesn't make sense. I would go out to many performance tests to work at colleges, agencies and the like, none of which panned out. My anxiety got the best of me. And then the feedback. It didn't make sense. And it did a number on my confidence. I did some college interpreting and some freelance assignments, but it got to the point that I wasn't as involved as I should be. The feedback I got and still get from the Deaf community is "Wow, I didn't realize you were hearing!" which lifts me so high, I can't even begin to explain. I silently do a victory dance inside because those words mean so much. Now to back up even more...
Ten and a half years ago my life was changed by a not-so-good incident while I was cleaning my apartment. After the tests and the hospital visits and the 3-months of medication for the one-time only seizure I had experienced left me with very fuzzy memories. My once expansive skill of a photographic memory had waned to forgetting my train of thought during mid-sentence. Luckily many of my memories have come back, but most are still fuzzy. Having my job now had greatly strengthened my memory base and I can recall many things most people forget. But at the same time, I have lost a lot of interpreting skills. When you don't use it, you definitely lose it.
Six months ago, I had to make a decision which I have only recently made. You see, from the time you take the Knowledge Exam for NIC, you have five years to take the Performance and Interview portion of the test to become fully certified. During that time, you need to be actively interpreting so you are fluid. It's your life. After all, it is your chosen career. I decided six months ago that I was going to really evaluate if I wanted to go forward with certification. I started studying all my written material, watching you tube videos and went to an interpreting workshop to see if I really wanted to pursue it. I decided that I wasn't ready to decide! But I had to. My time was running out. And I was living up to my childhood nickname, "Last Minute Lisa". But I really needed to think this through! What would I do if I became certified? How would that affect my life? Did I want or need a change? How would it benefit me? What if I didn't finish my goal of becoming a certified interpreter?? Would I be able to live with that? Would I be able to live with that.... I decided not to decide, not yet. So I delved into studying. Downloaded an app to help memorize the tenets, because my brain couldn't remember the details of each of the sections. I continued to watch videos and ask myself those same questions: How will this benefit me? Can I live with myself if I don't finish my goal? Then I started to realize my goal had taken a new form.
My current job for the past 3 years has been a grassroots project at the public transit agency teaching seniors and people with disabilities how to access public transit so they can remain independent in their lives. I started the program and I absolutely love it. While I oversee this program and all of its facets, I also work with Deaf seniors and Deaf young adults to access the bus to get where they need to go if they stop driving or if they don't drive. I conduct all my training in ASL, both individually and in group presentations. I. Love. It. And I see the benefits of being certified, but then, in my job, in my role (and there are many roles interpreters are asked to play, but sticking with the code of conduct, this could get sticky), it isn't necessary. I want it, but do I need it? If I was certified, I wouldn't leave my job. I created this program and seeing it blossom and grow is immensely satisfying.
So I was at a stall. I was encouraged to contact two very dear mentors of mine from previous interpreting classes just to get their opinions. Both had very strong points and excellent advice. And they both individually told me in the end, it is my decision, and mine alone. Their advice was the perfect remedy for me. They will never know how each one individually inspired me and how their words comforted me. Shortly thereafter, I went to an event honoring my mentor and dear friend for the contributions to the Deaf community here in Riverside and she had a few of us who started the Student Association for Interpreters of the Deaf come on stage for recognition as well. I was so proud to stand up there as the co-founder of this organization that has grown interpreters each year. Many Deaf people came up to me that I work with in my current job and told me how awesome it was that I was a part of something so important. That was when I knew my answer to the question I had sought for so long. I had people encouraging me and motivating me and being willing to mentor me. I stayed up late into the evening with the co-founder of that organization; my friend and inspiration who was there with me 5 years ago taking the NIC written exam. He imparting his knowledge of the Performance and Interview exam and his experience, and me fumbling through my own experiences and feelings. Sometimes, when the choice is clear, the decision is still hard. You know when you are feeling pulled in both directions like a magnet pulling at its source? I felt so strongly in both directions. Going home that night, I slept with a tennis match in my head. Weighing the pros and cons, realizing my own limitations with my memory and with my time and my own vision and hearing obstacles... In the end, once I made my decision, the load that had been weighing on me had been lifted.
I always want to be involved with the Deaf community. The people within that community, interpreters, educators and Deaf alike, have been my brothers and sisters over these years. I do not plan to leave this community. But at this time in my life, I am choosing to let that certification go. It doesn't mean I won't ever try again in the future, but right now, in my life right now, I am exactly where I want and need to be. My life took on a different path from the goal I set out 5 years ago. I did not fail; my life path just shifted direction. I would not be where I am today without the love and support of so many people within that community, especially those closest to me who never gave up on me: my mentors and my inspirations and my wife - all who provide unwavering support. For those of you who helped me come to my decision, whether knowingly or not, thank you. Thank you for being honest and being real. It makes my heart swell with gratitude and smile with contentment.
Until next time...
