Equality in the Courtroom

I was summoned for jury duty today.  I pretty much am summoned every year.  Only 2 times have I ever made it as far as the courtroom where jury selection begins.  Today was one of those days. 

Now, as some of you may know, once you get as far as the juror box, they have you answer simple questions to get a better idea about you and how you might fit as a juror in the case.  The questions are about name, marital status, how many kids you have, where you work, where your spouse (if any) works, if you have family or close friends in law enforcement, etc.  Now, I haven't ever been called into the jury box, but last time I got this far into the jury selection process, I was married to my ex-husband.

Today, I was thinking about the case and the vague facts we were given.  I don't doubt that I would have sat on the trial had I been called to the jury box.  But I got to thinking, since we were waiting so long, how would I answer the questions had they called my name up?

"My name is Lisa.  I am, well, I am in a domestic partnership since that is as legal as it can get.  So not single, not legally married..."

In my mind, I am married.  My lovely other and I had a beautiful handfasting ceremony last year tying our spiritual bonds.  This June, we are having a wedding in front of those who have supported our relationship throughout the years. I don't know if it will be truly legal, but in our minds it will be.  But back to my point...

So here are all these jurors, stating they are divorced, married, single...and then what would I say?  I decided if I had to answer the questions, I would say "I have a domestic partner".  And that would "out" me to the 28 people in the courtroom. It made me feel different, of course.  Not quite married, definitely not single.  But definitely different from everyone else. 

If there was marriage equality, then I wouldn't have to out myself to anyone I didn't want to, like those people in the courtroom.  Just one more way that shows domestic partnership and civil unions are not the same as marriage.

Busy-ness keeps the bird...busy

I have been a lazy blogger.  I should blog at least once a week, maybe even once every two weeks.  I mean, how am I politically active and not sharing the word?  Well, I think it is because I have been up to my eyeballs in busy.  Busy at work, busy with the kiddos, busy with wedding, busy with moving furniture and doing this and doing that.  I am very thankful my lovely other and I are taking Friday (our M.L day...inside secret) to do something for us. We are having massages and going out to dinner.  2 hour long massages! Much needed massages... I really hope to stick to my word and blog more often.  Well, here is to one blog down, and another one to come! Cheers!

Update on the en banc review

The proponents filed a request for an en banc review of the full 9th Circuit Court.  This is not news, as we knew they would file another appeal.  I mean, why come this far and not keep filing? But really, it seems moot.  At this point, it is just to continue to delay the stay that is enacted.

Here is where you can get all your Prop. 8 updates.  I love this site.  It is run through AFER and gives all and any details you might need.

I'm not sure what to say about it at this point.  But I won't stop talking :)

Moving Forward

It has been almost two weeks since the Day of Decision for Prop. 8.  I have failed to blog due to all my other life musings (I'm getting married after all!)  But I wanted to just throw out some thoughts.

On February 7th, the 9th District Court of Appeals 3-judge panel denied the appeal of Prop. 8 supporters who tried to halt Judge Vaughn Walker's initial ruling that the proposition was unconstitutional.  Prop. 8 was struck down!  Here is a quote, beautifully stated by Judge Stephen Reinhardt:

"Proposition 8 serves no purpose, and has no effect, other than to lessen the status and human dignity of gays and lesbians in California, and to officially reclassify their relationships and families as inferior to those of opposite-sex couples. The Constitution simply does not allow for 'laws of this sort'."

I get chills every time I read it.

But alas, there is always more. Supporters of Prop. 8 have 14 days to appeal the District Court's ruling to have an en banc review (which would include the full panel of the 9th Circuit).  That 14 days expires tomorrow.  If they do not request an en banc review with a larger panel of the appeals court, the 3-judge panel’s ruling will be the last word at this level of appeal. Wow. That means the initial stay will expire on February 28th.   But, they can also file an appeal with the U.S. Supreme Court.  They have 90 days to do so.  And they could request an extension of the stay... It's still too soon to celebrate, but my fingers and toes are crossed.

Right now, it is all about holding your breath.  Just keep swimming, just keep swimming...

Day of Decision...yet again!

You know when you are waiting for something in the mail and it seems to be taking FOREVER to get there?  And you run and check the mail every day? And when you finally get an envelope addressed to you, you tear it open and gasp for breath in anticipation of the news you were waiting for? And when you open your eyes, the letter says "DELAYED"? This is how I have been feeling for many years now.

In November 2008, rights of all LGBTQ Californians were stripped away with the passage of Prop. 8.  The fact that a law was passed that could actually take away rights from people, in this day and age, was utterly shocking.  In August 2010, Judge Vaughn Walker ruled that Prop. 8 was unconstitutional.  Hope was restored in California, however, marriages have yet to resume.  Did you hear me?  Marriages have yet to resume in California.

Now, you may say, "Woman, I know this." But honestly, there are so many people that ask me if it is legal to marry in California.  I realize people don't follow this as closely as my lovely other and I do, but it is interesting how many people think it is legal to marry someone who you love of the same sex here in California.  Damn, it SHOULD be legal!  But alas, it still is not.

For personal reasons, I am truly hoping that tomorrow's decision lifts the stay so marriages can continue in this state.  My wedding is 4 short months away.  It would be nice to promise my love and my heart in front of my friends and family and have it be legal in this state.  But if it isn't, it doesn't change my committment to my future wife nor to my daughters.  We are as legal as we can get it, and in our hearts and our life, we are married.  But that doesn't mean that I want or will settle for anything less than full federal equality.

Granted, the decision tomorrow is for the state of California (although there are ways for it to become a federal ruling if it goes on to the U.S. Supreme Court).  And I want equal rights in my state.  But it doesn't stop there. We need equality at a federal level.  As I sit here, for the second night in a row, doing taxes and banging my head against the wall with my lovely other, it is crazy of how many hoops same sex partners have to go through.  The fact that my income is her income and her income is my income and that we have to claim it as community property and add it to our earnings is completely ludicrous.  But I digress...

Tomorrow is a big day.  There are rallies planned and people are ready to react, regardless of the decision from the Ninth District Court of Appeals.  We plan on participating and being as involved as we can.  I will definitely be active in sharing information on Facebook and here on my blog. You can keep abreast at Prop 8 Trial Tracker. Cross your fingers, and your toes...even your eyes...oh wait, not the best idea.  But still, let us hope we can have equality in our state come tomorrow.

Freedom

Yesterday we celebrated Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.'s birthday.  I watched some of his speeches as I do most years and man, he really was an iconic person.  To think that we are fighting for our same civil liberties is amazing.  True freedom will never happen unless equality prevails.

I am anxiously awaiting a court decision for Prop 8.  It's so very hard because the in between time is so very great.  I feel like there is so much I should be doing.  But alas, a lot of it is wait time.  I will try to do more blogging.  My musings tend to vary lately.  So much on my mind and I believe it comes out all a blur.

Well, we have the Freedom of Speech and that, my friends, gives me the opportunity to share with you my perspective on an open forum such as the interwebs. Let's just hope I can express myself the way I want to be heard.

Remembering

On this Saturday, 25 years ago, my mom passed away.  I don't like to say she "succumbed" to breast cancer, because she fought that son-of-a-bitch every day for 8 years.  But eventually she just didn't have the strength left in her.  She didn't give up.  My mom never gave up.  She was a strong woman and I believe I get my strength from her.

I was 13 when my mom died.  Shortly after was when I stopped believing in the ways set forth in Catholicism.  I couldn't fathom a god who loved me so much to take my mom away when I needed her most, leaving me behind to take care of my brother and my father.  It didn't make sense.  Although my mom taught me everything I needed to know to survive in this world, it never made sense why I needed to know these things so young.  Ironically, I find myself teaching them to my two daughters because I know it will make them stronger.  My lovely other and I both believe these things to be true and we want to instill the power of choice, the power of responsibility and the power of love in our girls.

I remember thinking when I was about 15 years old that I could never imagine my mom being gone for 10 years... When I turned 26, I realized that she had been gone for twice the amount of years I had been alive! I remember at 34 when I had a small, fibrous mass in my breast, how ironic it was that I was the age my mom was misdiagnosed as having a benign mass in her breast.  And now, at 38, I am looking upon the 25 year anniversary of her passing.  I have a lot of memory loss within my adult years (no, it was not due to crazy partying or massive drug use, ha!), but no matter what, I remember that day crystal clear in my head.  Every moment.  Bits and pieces from the days before and sporadic events from the days following.  But that one afternoon is still as clear as day.

My future wife says I look just like my mom and that the older I get, the more I look like her.  I have her smile, and her eyes. I always felt so proud when people said I look like her.  I still am proud.  My cousin once told me that she would have supported me in my decisions to live the life I lead; to be the person I am; to express myself to the fullest.  I believe that. She always wanted only the best for my brother and I.  I have a journal she kept and I know it to be true. Maybe she knew deep down that she was growing an activist; someone who was destined to make a difference.  Maybe somehow she knew.

I wish I could have known her as an adult.  I use to miss the whole "growing up" thing, that relationship you cultivate between parent and child.  But now, I wish I had known her in my adult life.  I think it would have truly been amazing to have a conversation with her.  It would be a long conversation, maybe about parenting, maybe about politics.  And there would be laughter, because we both laugh alot...and loud. I always remember my mom smiling, laughing.  Even when she was in pain. I guess that is good.  It's those memories that keep me going.  Those are the ones that teach me to never give up.